I've written so much more…

over here ~> tumblr
but i'll try and keep it fair from now on. :)

PASSION 2011

It has taken me a few days to rap my head around what took place in my life & more importantly in my heart during the weekend of Passion. It is almost comical to attempt to answer the question, “So, how was Passion?” Outside of sharing with my mother and a few other people, my answer has been pretty straight forward… “Life changing. I’m seriously never going to be the same. Would take about an hour to explain… and since we don’t have that kind of time I guess we’ll have to save the conversation for another time.” The responses have been funny to watch. Some have been surprised, as if they weren’t expecting me to respond in that way. Others have been noticeably excited to hear about what happened, and happy about my experience. 

First off… rewind two days before Passion. At this point as far as I knew, I was not going to be attending. John was going to be there because he had signed up as leader through Fielder Road months ago, but I was not. I wanted to go but knew that financially we could not afford for both of us to go, and at this point the tickets were full price. So as far as I knew, I would not be there unless God wanted to, and made something happen so that I would be. 

Wednesday afternoon I got a text message from my cousin Jimmy asking if I was going to be at Passion. I told him no. We went back and forth about why and he ended up telling me that he might be able to make something happen. I found out Thursday morning that he was going to pay for half of my ticket. PRAISE THE LORD! It all felt so God ordained in that moment, and Jimmy and Jenny were so sweet and giving to do that for me. It was SUCH a blessing!! 

If I could sum up what I learned in the Friday night- Sunday afternoon time period I spent at Passion it would be by quoting one of Chris Tomlin’s newer song’s “I will Follow You.”

I have never doubted my salvation. I know with everything in me that when I was six years old, and I went into my daddy’s office to talk to him about becoming a Christian and a saved person— that was the real deal. I still remember the conversation I had with my Uncle Larry on the phone that evening. He asked me questions about what I was doing, why I was doing it, and celebrated along with me. I do not believe that I was confused, or making some emotional decision based on something I did not fully understand. I knew that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior and that without him I was doomed for an eternity in hell and suffering. I knew that my life would never be anything of purpose without him in my life, and I wanted to make that decision as soon as I could. I wanted to live as fully as possible for the rest of my life on this earth. I knew that— at six.

I do, however, know that it has been a bumpy ride. With that being said- I can count on one hand the times that I have experienced a life-changing encounter with the Holy Spirit. Obviously, that is NOT to say that I can count on one hand the times that I have encountered the Holy Spirit. Those two statements are completely different. THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY- I feel the Holy Spirit moving constantly. After all, he has a home inside of me. But I can say that the live altering, world shaking, moments have been few and far between. 

Welcome, few and far between. Welcome, Passion 2011. 

-I went to Passion expecting to encounter the Lord. 

-I went expecting to be moved by the worship. Anyone who knows me well knows my love & passion. for music. As a singer— music, especially in worship settings, has a powerful effect on me. 

-I went expecting to hear some convicting messages. Come on- look at the line-up. 

-I went expecting to meet some new people, and maybe even like them. 

-I went expecting for Francis Chan, John Piper, and Louie Giglio to be pretty cool. 

-I never expected to have such a powerful and overwhelming sense of Love from my heavenly father that I could barely speak. 

-I never expected to worship so freely it was as if I was literally in heaven with my brothers and sisters bowing before the throne of the King of Glory. 

-I never expected to meet a group of six brothers and sisters in Christ for only 3 days and still to this day miss our time together. 

-I never expected to fall in love with missions. 

-I never expected to be so moved for the people of this world that have nothing that I would be willing to sell everything I don’t need, and only keep what is necessary. 

-I never expected for Francis Chan to make me question everything about the churches in America. 

-I never expected for John Piper to completely rock the foundation of my world- literally. 

-I never expected Louie Giglio to be the coolest pastor and person ever. The man never stops finding ways to help others and it is the most inspiring thing ever. 

-I never expected to get back to Arlington Sunday afternoon and be so emotionally shaken that I broke down sobbing every 5-10 min- to which my husband can attest to. 

The fact of the matter is regardless of how “broke” I might think John and I are or how much we may be hurting compared to some of our peers, we are immensely blessed and overflowing compared to the majority of the world. I was deeply convicted of this fact during Passion weekend. 

»Sadly, it often seems as though in order to be successful in THIS world you must have a high paying job that you never miss a day of, you must have the best phone, the coolest car, the nicest house, only wear certain brands of clothes, and you cannot ever allow anyone to see you fail, fall, trip up, mess up, cry, break down, or regret anything. If you have an abundance of wealth- you must keep it to yourself, and never share with others. If you have no money- you must pretend as though you do, and go deeper and deeper in the hole. The opinion of others is. all. that. matters. Outward beauty always outweighs inward beauty, and if you feel as though something is missing in your life there is always a new addiction to turn to. «

One of my favorite quotes from the weekend came from Giglio, and that was this:

“I don’t want to spend my life being a mule for this culture.” 

I’ve thought a lot about what that statement means to me. I don’t want brands and names to rule my life- UNLESS that name is Jesus Christ.

Saturday afternoon Francis Chan told a story that just about cut me to the core. If you don’t know what him and his family have been doing the past year or so, you should really look into it. It is quite incredible. He tells us the story of how he and his family have been traveling all over the world, visiting churches and Christian people. Here is the dialogue (as I can best relay to you.) of him visiting with students in the underground Church in China:

Chan: “So… tell me what Church is like here! I want to know everything!” 

Students: “Well… we use to meet in this building, but then the authorities found us… so then we had to run and hide until it was safe. There was gun fire… and we were running and laughing…” 

Chan: (On the edge of his seat) “yeah… tell me more… tell me more…”

Student: “I don’t understand. Why are you so intrigued?

Isn’t EVERYONE persecuted for their faith???”

Chan: “…not exactly…” 

Students: “uh… okay. Tell us what Church is like in America!” 

Chan: “…Okay….” (Pauses for a few moments.) “Well… we get up on Sunday mornings… and we get dressed. And then, we go to a big building. There we hear a man… a pastor… speak, and we hear a band or a choir sing worship music. But, if we don’t like the music, or we don’t like the sermon the pastor is preaching… we can go down the street to another building… and if we don’t like that one… we can go down the street a little ways more and go to another building….”

*Francis said in this moment the response was something he never saw coming. The students began to laugh hysterically. For what seemed like minutes they just laughed. They could not understand how it was possible for it to be that simple.* 

They literally risk their LIVES day in and day out to meet in the name of Jesus Christ, and we complain if the music is too loud, or if the pastor isn’t wearing what we think he should be wearing. Shame on us. Do we worry more about the building than the message? I surely hope not. 

“And as he came out of the temple, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Look, Teacher, what wonderful stones and what wonderful buildings!’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Do you see these great buildings? There will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down.” Mark 13:1-2

I find comfort in knowing that I have only scratched the surface of what the Lord is wanting to teach me. I find peace in knowing that if I lost everything tomorrow it would be okay because I would still have Him. I am so not okay with being a Sunday morning- stuck in my own way- complacent- selfish- scared- none risk taking- Christian. 

Bethany Dillion- Revolutionaries

Many have traveled this road before

  I see their tracks in the dirt

  But maybe I don’t agree

with where they are leading.

And who am I, just a youth

But why has that become the excuse…

A Greater Purpose

I've got to admit, I can be pretty paranoid about certain things. I am very OCD about making sure that the door is locked when I leave the apartment; I will jiggle the handle a least twice if not three or four times, and I click my car door locker about four times as I am walking to my destination. I LOVE shows like Criminal Minds, and CSI, but you would swear that I was IN one of those shows if you could see inside my head when I am walking anywhere at anytime of the day, especially at night. But even still one of the biggest paranoia’s in my life comes from my fear of what other people think of me. I literally dissect a person’s reaction to me, what they said about me to another person, a facebook status, or even just a look, till I am blue in the face. I will think about it until I convince myself of one of two things: One, that I am crazy, or two, that this person is actually upset with me, and I must find out why. I wish that I knew exactly why I am this way, but unfortunately I can only speculate as to why I am at this point in my life.

I was on facebook tonight, when I read something on a random person’s status, and immediately the question popped into my head; is she referring to me?? Truth of the matter is, I have had ONE conversation with this person, and she frankly knows nothing about me except what she could gather from my facebook information. (Which by the way, does not count as “knowing” someone) But yet here I was actually worried that someone was dogging me through social media. Then it hit me like a sack of bricks. REALLY Ashley? THIS is what you are concerning yourself with tonight? The Lord convicted me something harsh. It was as if I heard him say, “I have made you, given you breath, and life, and an opportunity to not only be successful in THIS life, but also in your eternal life, and THIS is what you are spending your time on? Worrying about what some petty person is writing on a social media wall?”

WOW. Talk about feeling small. Why do I concern myself with such minute things? Why do I worry about things that have no value at all?  The Lord of the universe has given me everything I need to make a difference in this world, and yet I focus on the things that ultimately mean nothing at all.  This is a lesson I seem to learn over and over again. And truthfully, I will most likely continue to learn it until my days on this earth are done.

While wrestling with myself over the unnecessary fuss I had just made, the perfect song came to mind, and I couldn’t help but sing over the lyrics in my head:

-Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name?

Would care to feel my hurt?

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean,

Vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours.-

The word of the Lord is true, and it stands firm.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:25-27

Lord, thank you for Your unwavering love for Your children. Thank you that You  not only convict us of our mistakes, but that You comfort us in our times of need.

I am forever thankful for my greater purpose.

Shakeol-what?

Shakeology is a blend of 70 ingredients that your body needs to be healthy. That's right, 70. How many of us actually get all of those ingredients in our bodies EVERYDAY?!?! Well, I do! Shakeology gives you your recommended 5 servings daily of fruits and veggies in ONE shake. It is Gluten and caffeine free, plus it full of protein, enzymes, probiotics and so much more. It helps with weight loss and management, energy levels, bloods sugar levels, digestion and helps fight cravings. And the best part-- it tastes GREAT! I personally love peanut butter and a banana in mine. To learn more go to Shakeology

Shakeology- Optimal health in a glass.

I'm praying for you... whoever you are...

At my job, we get faxes for a number of reasons. Letters of credit from previous electric providers, proof of residency, proof of active military service, and the list goes on. I recently was put in charge of keeping up with these faxes. I tell you this to preface my next statement. I got hold of a death certificate today, one of the faxes most disheartening to receive. It was actually the first I’d ever seen in my life. Glancing over it for a moment before I stuck it in a file, I saw the cause of death. Essentially, the person died of a Coronary Artery Disease caused by morbid obesity.

My mind starting wandering and questions began to flood. “Why did this happen?” “Was this an unhappy person?” “Who is she leaving behind?” “Did this run in her family?” I don’t know who this woman was, I don’t know her story, I don’t any single thing about her outside of the fact that she died, and that she died being morbidly obese. I can’t help but wonder how someone gets to that place. I mean, sadly I DO understand being so depressed and overtaken by sadness that turning to food becomes a temporary escape from reality. And I also understand the self hatred that almost immediately follows turning to that food. I understand what it feels like to be addicted to both food, and hating yourself for eating that food. It’s a dark place, and I don’t wish it upon any body.

I wonder who this woman was. What she believed in. Did she believe in herself? Or did she doubt herself? Did she know Christ? Did she have faith? I would have loved to have known her. Maybe I could have in some way helped her, or have had a positive effect on her. This might all seem silly… but I cannot control my questions on this matter as I sit here at my desk.

I am not a health freak. I don’t work out seven days a week, and I do not yet have the abs I’ve always dreamed of having. I am only beginning my journey to become a better me; to be a healthier me, both physically, and emotionally. However, I do feel that I am learning. And that I’m doing this learning every day. I have developed a strong and powerful desire to help people in all walks of life. It’s crazy, but I think I’ve always known this about myself. It’s like I’ve tapped into a part of myself, that’s always been there—it’s just been hiding. I can’t quite explain this feeling, all I can do is ham it out over this message, attempting to form words that make sense, and push myself harder than ever to be that person that I know is in there… somewhere.

The fact is I might have not ever had any impact on this woman. I might have been rejected to highest degree. But I still can’t help but wonder, what if? This lady was 60 years old, way too young in my book.

I guess I am writing all of this as an outward expression of my desire to be someone that genuinely cares for other people, someone that is known for her love and compassion toward people. My desire is to be a prayer warrior just like, my great grandmother, that I met just a few weeks before she passed, was until the day she died.

6 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down;

let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!

7 For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture,

and the sheep of his hand.”
Psalm 95:6-7

Healthy eating at work

If you're like me... and you work at a desk A L L- D A Y- L O N G --- being "healthy" doesn't come easy. For one thing you feel lazy for sitting all day, even though you kinda have to! Here's an idea for a healthy lunch to eat at your desk that will make you feel energized and refreshed, INSTEAD of going down the street to Taco Bueno.

-Cup of grapes and cheese cubes
-Cherry tomatos, carrots, and celery

-a few crackers and tuna

YUM.

If you're like me, and you don't like celery by itself-- have some reduced fat peanut butter on hand. And don't forget a big glass of ice water. :)

My Transformation Story...

My story isn’t so much a story as it is a journey. Growing up I ALWAYS felt it. This lurking feeling in the back of mind, this horrible thought that I could not seem to get past. I hated my body. I played sports in Jr. High and High school. In fact, my freshman year in high school I dropped weight like it was going out of style. I felt good about myself for the first time. But sadly, this feeling did not last long. Once high school was over, and the sports were gone, I found myself drifting back into a sedentary life style. College was just around the corner, and of course I put on a few “freshman pounds.” By this time I wasn’t HUGE, in fact, I’ve never been HUGE. I have, however, FELT huge for a long time. Once in college I started to regain the knowledge I gained in high school. Exercise. Eat healthy. Lose weight. And I did exactly that. I got on a schedule and stuck with it. During these months of my life I did not have a steady boyfriend. I dated, but nothing ever serious, so it was easy for me to stick to my new plan. I had a slim-fast for breakfast, a light healthy lunch, came home, ran/walked a mile with my brother, did some weight lifting, ate a small portion of what my mom made for dinner, shower, go to bed. It was the perfect plan, and it was working out quite well for me.

THEN HE CAME ALONG…

Actually, the truth is, HE had been there for quite some time. My now husband, John, was my friend for years before we got together. But, once we did, my world changed. My time was no longer devoted to working out; it was devoted to spending time with him. He wanted to take me out to restaurants and spoil me, and I loved food. It was a win-win. The weight came on gradually, and for both of us but didn’t really take off until we got engaged. At this point in my life I had a man that thought I was drop dead GORGEOUS… and I felt comfortable with who I was for the first time in a long time. So I suppose you say I kind of let myself go.

When we started dating I’d say I was around 155-165. I felt pretty healthy and slim for being 5’10. I wore a loose 12. I felt good. During the dating, engagement, restaurant going, couch sitting, etc. I gained a good 30 pounds. I started doing weight watchers at work around the time that we got engaged. I did really well the first few weeks, but then just seemed to hit a wall. I can’t really say that I was trying very hard, but even still the weight just seemed to POUR onto me. I think a lot of it had to do with the stress that I put on myself about the wedding. I swore up and down that I would be a beautiful and THIN bride. I absolutely dreaded it not happening that way. Needless to say I gained weight all throughout the months before the wedding. I think when we got married I weighed a little over 189 lbs. When we came back from the honeymoon I had gained 5 more pounds.

I went through cry sessions with my husband on a regular basis. I would bawl on his shoulder as I cried out statements like “I’m so tired of feeling this way.” And “Why can’t I just be better?” I know it broke his heart every time it happened. I felt my whole life spiraling out of control. The truth is, I am still in the process of healing over the years of self hatred. I still have dark moments where I let my mind go to that place.

Becoming a coach for Team Beachbody feels like a brand new start for me. I feel like there’s always been a girl inside of me desperately wanting to make a difference in people’s lives. I just felt like my own weight issues held me back. I can’t wait to bloom into a real life success story of this program and its wonderful products.

If you would like to know more about what I do, and more importantly what I can do FOR YOU. Check out my website, and ask me ANY question you might have!

www.pinkpowerfit.com