I've got to admit, I can be pretty paranoid about certain things. I am very OCD about making sure that the door is locked when I leave the apartment; I will jiggle the handle a least twice if not three or four times, and I click my car door locker about four times as I am walking to my destination. I LOVE shows like Criminal Minds, and CSI, but you would swear that I was IN one of those shows if you could see inside my head when I am walking anywhere at anytime of the day, especially at night. But even still one of the biggest paranoia’s in my life comes from my fear of what other people think of me. I literally dissect a person’s reaction to me, what they said about me to another person, a facebook status, or even just a look, till I am blue in the face. I will think about it until I convince myself of one of two things: One, that I am crazy, or two, that this person is actually upset with me, and I must find out why. I wish that I knew exactly why I am this way, but unfortunately I can only speculate as to why I am at this point in my life.
I was on facebook tonight, when I read something on a random person’s status, and immediately the question popped into my head; is she referring to me?? Truth of the matter is, I have had ONE conversation with this person, and she frankly knows nothing about me except what she could gather from my facebook information. (Which by the way, does not count as “knowing” someone) But yet here I was actually worried that someone was dogging me through social media. Then it hit me like a sack of bricks. REALLY Ashley? THIS is what you are concerning yourself with tonight? The Lord convicted me something harsh. It was as if I heard him say, “I have made you, given you breath, and life, and an opportunity to not only be successful in THIS life, but also in your eternal life, and THIS is what you are spending your time on? Worrying about what some petty person is writing on a social media wall?”
WOW. Talk about feeling small. Why do I concern myself with such minute things? Why do I worry about things that have no value at all? The Lord of the universe has given me everything I need to make a difference in this world, and yet I focus on the things that ultimately mean nothing at all. This is a lesson I seem to learn over and over again. And truthfully, I will most likely continue to learn it until my days on this earth are done.
While wrestling with myself over the unnecessary fuss I had just made, the perfect song came to mind, and I couldn’t help but sing over the lyrics in my head:
-Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name?
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
Vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours.-
The word of the Lord is true, and it stands firm.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:25-27
Lord, thank you for Your unwavering love for Your children. Thank you that You not only convict us of our mistakes, but that You comfort us in our times of need.
I am forever thankful for my greater purpose.
