When I was a little girl, I dreamed of falling in love. All the Disney movies, the love songs, they all set my hopes high; that someday, my knight in shining armor, my prince, the love of my life… would come and rescue me. I couldn’t wait to be someone’s princess. I couldn’t wait to belong to one man alone. I couldn’t wait to live out my dreams of being someone’s bride. As I began to grow, my desire for this grew along with me. I would lie back on my bed and let my mind wander. I would close my eyes and kiss my arm. Silly as it sounds, I dreamed it was my love I was kissing. I would listen to love songs, picturing dancing along to them with my arms around him. I would watch sappy movies, praying that the man of my dreams would know how to win me over with sweet words, and cute gestures. I would stare in the mirror smiling, just to practice my reaction when I was asked for my hand in marriage. All these little girl fantasies followed me through elementary school, onto Jr. High and then on into high school. Once there I found a brutal taste of reality. I began to wonder how in the world I could ever find my MAN amongst a group of hormone -gone bad- BOYS. I began to believe that I might actually have to settle… but deep down in the back of my mind, I had hope that I wouldn’t. High school came and went, and it could not have gone sooner. Once out, I knew that college would open the door to real men, not boys… and that my opportunities would increase in great numbers. Well, I had the rude awakening that the boys that I went to high school with were the same boys that showed up at college. It’s funny that I thought that once boys got to college, they became men. HA, how wrong I was! Silly logic, I know. But still, I felt that there was someone out there looking for me, as I was for him… and that someday, we would find each other. Through this time, I began to realize the GREATER love I needed to find first. And that was the love of Christ. Now, yes… I had gone to church since I was a baby. Was saved and baptized at the age of six. I grew up in a loving Christian home, and sang at church for YEARS… yet, something deeper than all of that was tugging at my heart. It was the relationship I had desired forever, found in Christ. I had found something great, but that does not mean I didn’t still yearn for the attention of boys. I met people, talked to them. I dated. I met some great guys… and, I met jerks. I was caught in the middle of broken and bad relationships with people, I knew were anything but meant for me. But, despite my bad tastes and my “two week flings” I began to grow… slowly, but surely. I began to really understand Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” I began to become that little girl again. The truth is… I still am that little girl. I’m that little girl that dreams of being someone’s princess. That wants to be a beautiful bride. I have come to the conclusion that every woman wants this; that we all want to be loved so deep that it almost hurts. We want to be someone’s world.
Now, let me tell you a little secret. We ALREADY are someone’s princess. We ALREADY are someone’s world. We are BEAUTIFUL to someone. If you need proof: check out Psalm 45:11- “The King is enthralled by your beauty.” Now, I’ve got to tell you… this amazing discovery did not just happen overnight. I didn’t just wake up one morning and throw my pride out of the window. Its taken time… its taken tears… and it has taken a lot of humility. Some of you are thinking… DUH! I knew that. And others might be like I was; amazed at how I missed such proof of love right in front of me! But, as much as I wish I had known this all along, I must say that coming onto this discovery has been quite a ride. I spent many years thinking that I was never going to be good enough for someone and that my dreams would always just be that; dreams. Now, I have found that my dreams have come true. I have met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have stumbled upon love. Real love.
But, despite my prideful and human tendencies that say I knew I would find it all along, I cannot hold myself as the magic worker. I cannot congratulate myself on doing such a great job in finding him, nor can I applaud my wonderful job in always being the person he WANTED to find. For, it was not me who did it. It was Christ. See… during those years of disappointment, of hurt, and of confusion, God was shaping my heart. He was using every mistake as a template of my desires. He taught me, through experience, what I truly wanted and more importantly, what I NEEDED. He comforted me in time of hurt, and rejoiced with me as I discovered more and more the person he was forming me to be. And the best part is, just as he was shaping my heart for my future love, he was shaping his for mine.
But even more than ALL OF THAT- He taught me patience. “Love is Patient.” I recently read something out of a book that just made my heart drop… “Genuine love is characterized by patience.” How incredibly PATIENT God has been with me over the almost 20 years of my life!! And now that I have found what I’ve been looking for- How thankful I am that he has given me patience in my relationship!! To him, I give all the glory. To him, I honor and adore, and to him, I thank. He will forever be the foundation of not only my life, but the relationship I have longed for since I was that little girl. And I, will always be HIS princess.
“It is wise to wait because God gives clear direction only when we are willing to wait”
Charles Stanley
