I'm praying for you... whoever you are...

At my job, we get faxes for a number of reasons. Letters of credit from previous electric providers, proof of residency, proof of active military service, and the list goes on. I recently was put in charge of keeping up with these faxes. I tell you this to preface my next statement. I got hold of a death certificate today, one of the faxes most disheartening to receive. It was actually the first I’d ever seen in my life. Glancing over it for a moment before I stuck it in a file, I saw the cause of death. Essentially, the person died of a Coronary Artery Disease caused by morbid obesity.

My mind starting wandering and questions began to flood. “Why did this happen?” “Was this an unhappy person?” “Who is she leaving behind?” “Did this run in her family?” I don’t know who this woman was, I don’t know her story, I don’t any single thing about her outside of the fact that she died, and that she died being morbidly obese. I can’t help but wonder how someone gets to that place. I mean, sadly I DO understand being so depressed and overtaken by sadness that turning to food becomes a temporary escape from reality. And I also understand the self hatred that almost immediately follows turning to that food. I understand what it feels like to be addicted to both food, and hating yourself for eating that food. It’s a dark place, and I don’t wish it upon any body.

I wonder who this woman was. What she believed in. Did she believe in herself? Or did she doubt herself? Did she know Christ? Did she have faith? I would have loved to have known her. Maybe I could have in some way helped her, or have had a positive effect on her. This might all seem silly… but I cannot control my questions on this matter as I sit here at my desk.

I am not a health freak. I don’t work out seven days a week, and I do not yet have the abs I’ve always dreamed of having. I am only beginning my journey to become a better me; to be a healthier me, both physically, and emotionally. However, I do feel that I am learning. And that I’m doing this learning every day. I have developed a strong and powerful desire to help people in all walks of life. It’s crazy, but I think I’ve always known this about myself. It’s like I’ve tapped into a part of myself, that’s always been there—it’s just been hiding. I can’t quite explain this feeling, all I can do is ham it out over this message, attempting to form words that make sense, and push myself harder than ever to be that person that I know is in there… somewhere.

The fact is I might have not ever had any impact on this woman. I might have been rejected to highest degree. But I still can’t help but wonder, what if? This lady was 60 years old, way too young in my book.

I guess I am writing all of this as an outward expression of my desire to be someone that genuinely cares for other people, someone that is known for her love and compassion toward people. My desire is to be a prayer warrior just like, my great grandmother, that I met just a few weeks before she passed, was until the day she died.

6 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down;

let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!

7 For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture,

and the sheep of his hand.”
Psalm 95:6-7

Healthy eating at work

If you're like me... and you work at a desk A L L- D A Y- L O N G --- being "healthy" doesn't come easy. For one thing you feel lazy for sitting all day, even though you kinda have to! Here's an idea for a healthy lunch to eat at your desk that will make you feel energized and refreshed, INSTEAD of going down the street to Taco Bueno.

-Cup of grapes and cheese cubes
-Cherry tomatos, carrots, and celery

-a few crackers and tuna

YUM.

If you're like me, and you don't like celery by itself-- have some reduced fat peanut butter on hand. And don't forget a big glass of ice water. :)

My Transformation Story...

My story isn’t so much a story as it is a journey. Growing up I ALWAYS felt it. This lurking feeling in the back of mind, this horrible thought that I could not seem to get past. I hated my body. I played sports in Jr. High and High school. In fact, my freshman year in high school I dropped weight like it was going out of style. I felt good about myself for the first time. But sadly, this feeling did not last long. Once high school was over, and the sports were gone, I found myself drifting back into a sedentary life style. College was just around the corner, and of course I put on a few “freshman pounds.” By this time I wasn’t HUGE, in fact, I’ve never been HUGE. I have, however, FELT huge for a long time. Once in college I started to regain the knowledge I gained in high school. Exercise. Eat healthy. Lose weight. And I did exactly that. I got on a schedule and stuck with it. During these months of my life I did not have a steady boyfriend. I dated, but nothing ever serious, so it was easy for me to stick to my new plan. I had a slim-fast for breakfast, a light healthy lunch, came home, ran/walked a mile with my brother, did some weight lifting, ate a small portion of what my mom made for dinner, shower, go to bed. It was the perfect plan, and it was working out quite well for me.

THEN HE CAME ALONG…

Actually, the truth is, HE had been there for quite some time. My now husband, John, was my friend for years before we got together. But, once we did, my world changed. My time was no longer devoted to working out; it was devoted to spending time with him. He wanted to take me out to restaurants and spoil me, and I loved food. It was a win-win. The weight came on gradually, and for both of us but didn’t really take off until we got engaged. At this point in my life I had a man that thought I was drop dead GORGEOUS… and I felt comfortable with who I was for the first time in a long time. So I suppose you say I kind of let myself go.

When we started dating I’d say I was around 155-165. I felt pretty healthy and slim for being 5’10. I wore a loose 12. I felt good. During the dating, engagement, restaurant going, couch sitting, etc. I gained a good 30 pounds. I started doing weight watchers at work around the time that we got engaged. I did really well the first few weeks, but then just seemed to hit a wall. I can’t really say that I was trying very hard, but even still the weight just seemed to POUR onto me. I think a lot of it had to do with the stress that I put on myself about the wedding. I swore up and down that I would be a beautiful and THIN bride. I absolutely dreaded it not happening that way. Needless to say I gained weight all throughout the months before the wedding. I think when we got married I weighed a little over 189 lbs. When we came back from the honeymoon I had gained 5 more pounds.

I went through cry sessions with my husband on a regular basis. I would bawl on his shoulder as I cried out statements like “I’m so tired of feeling this way.” And “Why can’t I just be better?” I know it broke his heart every time it happened. I felt my whole life spiraling out of control. The truth is, I am still in the process of healing over the years of self hatred. I still have dark moments where I let my mind go to that place.

Becoming a coach for Team Beachbody feels like a brand new start for me. I feel like there’s always been a girl inside of me desperately wanting to make a difference in people’s lives. I just felt like my own weight issues held me back. I can’t wait to bloom into a real life success story of this program and its wonderful products.

If you would like to know more about what I do, and more importantly what I can do FOR YOU. Check out my website, and ask me ANY question you might have!

www.pinkpowerfit.com

PCOS

Hey ladies! I thought this was very important information to share. Even if YOU don’t think you have this syndrome… 1 out of every 10 women do, so it is likely someone you know, or maybe even someone in your family has it! I am sharing this information because I have come to learn that there are countless woman out there that suffer from something called PCOS, and never even know it. It’s VERY important for PCOS to be treated. If it is not, it almost always leads to Heart Disease, Diabetes, and High Blood Pressure.

I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) when I was 18. At the time, all I was told is that I needed to eat healthy and exercise in order to prevent health problems in the future. BUT… as the months and years went on, my symptoms began to worsen, and I began to put on weight even when exercising and dieting. I had a friend at church who had been going to a PCOS specialist in Carrollton… so I decided to set up an appointment. I went to this Doctor yesterday. He explained to me exactly what it is that causes PCOS in women, and what can help to reverse and improve the condition.

Please, please, please check out this website. I wish I would have known back when I was 12 and began to see symptoms how important it is for this to be treated. Now that I have prescriptions, diet plan, and workout plan from my doctor (which btw, is ONLY walking 2 miles, 5 days a week) I have a chance to change the hormones in my body that cause all these issues, and for the first time be able to lose weight, and be healthy without starving and killing myself over it. And by the way—the prescriptions given to me came to $24! Only $24 a month to reverse 21 years of messed up hormones.

It’s SO worth it to check out the symptoms, and find out if you have it. You could not only feel a lot better about yourself, but you potentially stop a horrible health problem from developing!!

There are tons of sites you can go to but here is the one from WebMd:
http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview


There’s no harm in checking it out! It could end up being a GREAT thing for you, or another woman that you love!

If any of you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them! After having my doctor draw it out for me (literally) I think I have a deeper understanding of this issue that is becoming a big problem for women across the world!

We're Married!

On July 11th I married the love of my life, my best friend, the only other person in the world that fits me perfectly. We will have been married one month next Tuesday.




Our First Dance.

Daddy giving me away.

First picture as a married couple.



Unity Candle.



Married life is SO much fun. I highly recommend it! <3

I belong to you... alone.

I recently sang this song at my home church. I was asked at rehearsal that week if I would speak before the song. It’s always been funny to me how nervous I get when I have to talk. I can sing in front of hundreds of people, but if I have to talk I get so nervous!! But, not wanting to seem nerved, I gladly said yes! All week I prayed about it, thought of what I wanted to say, and tried to calm my nerves. Every once in a while I would forget about the coming Sunday and then bam! It would come back to my mind and my stomach would get queezy. I would tell myself it was okay, and then close my eyes and pray.

Then, for once, I wasn’t searching for words… they were pouring out! Now I just didn’t know which story to use, what lesson I learned, or what my heart was screaming out every time I heard the song. I decided that God was going to show me what I needed to say, and that I no longer needed to stress! This worked for the most part but, being a perfectionist when it comes to my music and ministry, it wasn’t always easy! Finally Sunday came. I was excited… nervous…anxious…happy… worried… It was a very confusing emotional morning!! :)

Back stage, I practiced what I was going to say—and I started to cry! "No, no, no, Ashley" I thought. You can’t CRY in front of hundreds of people. You can’t let them get that close!!! But then, it was as if Jesus came down and wrapped his arms around me. I felt him hold me. I heard him whisper in my ear “Share your heart my child. Let them see your heart!” All of the sudden I was no longer worried. I went out on stage sang a few songs and when it came time for my song, I felt complete peace.

I told them what I learned. I told them what was in my heart. It went something like this:

I absolutely love this song. It’s like singing the ultimate love song for Christ.
I shared a line from a TV show I had recently heard; Feeling inadequate has a universal zip code. It had been on my mind all week. I went on to say that despite what the world thinks, we are not called to be perfect. Perfection is not possible. Jesus loves us even when we fail. We live in a world where women are not beautiful unless they are size 2. We are told we must “change” who we are by “fixing ourselves.” We get our hair done, cake make-up on to hide our face, we get plastic surgery, and diet constantly. We live in a world where we must be strong, and never let them see us cry! For men, we live in world where being a man means never having feelings. Your worth is measured by how much money you make. And if you’re not financial banking, you’re not doing anything right. It’s NO WONDER that we feel so inadequate. It’s no wonder we hide. But, there is someone who loves us no matter how much we don’t measure up to the world’s standards. There is someone who finds us beautiful ALWAYS. Someone that doesn't care how much money we make. Someone that we can trust, and we belong to him. Nothing in this world can take that away. Not hunger. Not hardships. Not weakness, or faliure. Nothing can take his love away.

We do not belong to this world. We are called to live in it, but not to be of it.
We belong to Jesus. I belong to Jesus.

I cried.
I would not trade that moment for anything.
God gave me a word to share, and I shared it.


I belong to you
I belong to you
Nothing can take me from your great love
Forever this truth remains.

Learning to forgive...

“Harboring unforgiveness is probably one of the most dangerous heart conditions we can have because the Bible tells us very plainly that if we will not forgive other people, then God cannot forgive us. If we do not forgive others, our faith will not work. And everything that comes God comes by faith. If our faith doesn’t work, we are in serious trouble.” –Joyce Meyer.

Easier said than done.

We are so prone to wanting things our way that we are often blinded by truth. Truth that as humans, we make mistakes, we hurt other people, we betray, we MESS UP. I must say that forgiveness is one of those actions that are developed through practice. It starts out when we are young. Someone in class takes away our toy, and accidentally breaks it—we must choose: Do we yell and cry and call them bad names, or do we forgive them. A kid at our high school starts a rumor about us—do we start one about them, or do we forgive them and move on. Someone cuts us off on the highway—do we yell and scream and try and do the same, or do we have patience and forgive them. Now I must admit, when it comes to driving… I have a HARD time forgiving people. They might as well just not get on the road because I will always be able to pick out SOMETHING they are doing wrong.

I say this because it is true. Forgiveness is not the easy thing to do. If it was, there would be a lot less bitterness in this world. When someone wrongs you—you want revenge. You want that person to feel the pain you feel or felt.

I am going to get very honest and share with you something that has hardened my heart for quite some time. It is not something that came and went, in fact… it is something I am just now beginning to let go. I am learning how to forgive.I always dreamed that my engagement would be an incredibly happy and exciting time in my life. I longed for the attention, for the comments, calls, and encouragement. I imagined my girlfriends lined up to see the ring, everyone asking questions and letting me have just this one moment in the spotlight. I would be the princess, even for just a few moments. After all, every girl dreams of finding the love of her life and sharing it with the world. Why would my situation be any different?

Well, that’s where my story begins.

I got engaged the night of 9/5/08. It was a sweet evening. My fiancé John did an amazing job, and I truly felt like a princess. He did everything right, and I’m pretty sure I saw tears in his eyes when he got down on his knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. It was everything I had always dreamed of. I thought… surely no one would ever want to steal this away from me. But, I would soon feel a lot different.

I planned on being swarmed at church the following Sunday. I was even a little nervous, but oh so excited. We got there early to practice—so far, nothing was said. People started arriving… a few oh hey congrats here and there but, not at all what I expected. I felt a lump in my throat the size of an golf ball. I fought to hold back tears all morning.

Where was my moment?

Why did no one seem to know what had happened?

Where was the line of girls waiting to see my ring?

I felt like I was in a different world… like maybe I wasn’t actually there. For some people… it took weeks before they even mentioned anything about my engagement… For others, nothing was ever said. It was as if the engagement was a fluke. Yeah, my family was supportive; people from other parts of the church encouraged me, my work family was there. But, not the people I wanted to hear from the most. People I had considered close, now seemed so distant. My heart was so hardened. I felt betrayed. I felt wronged. I felt bitter.

The truth is… I’ve felt that way for months. I’ve hidden it away in my heart. I’ve allowed it to cover up the forgiving part of my heart. I felt like my engagement had been stolen away from me. That people who I expected to care, whether they knew it or not, robbed me of the encouragement I so desperately needed. After all, that was always my dream. To be the princess, even for just a few moments. As time went on, I could think of nothing more than the grudge I so wanted to hold against anyone who messed up my moment.

I began to find myself jealous of girls getting engaged and watching them experience something completley different. I read as girls from high school got pages and pages of comments. I watched people swarm women I know with excitement. The same girls and guys that walked past me. My heart would break over and over again. It became overwhelming. It became something I wanted so much to escape. I was jealous. I was bitter. I AM recovering.

Over the last few weeks I’ve realized how much this bitterness has hurt me. It has taken away so much of what I was before it. I allowed people to alter my mood, to harden my heart, and essentially: hurt me. Thankfully, outside of that, my engagement has been wonderful. I’ve tried to ignore the hurt and focus on the good things. Like my amazing fiancé, planning a wedding, my few real friends who WHERE there for me, and continue to be. But still, something wasn't right. Some awful, dark, evil thing was lurching inside me.

Now that I have pinpointed a problem, I am in the process of fixing it. I am in the process of learning how to forgive those who took a part of something amazing away from me. I am telling satan loud and clear, that he no longer can hold this over my head. I am allowing Jesus to mend my hardened heart.

For those of you who made my engagement something special, thank you.

You mean more to me than you know. And I am thankful for you.

John, thank you for all that you do, for your constant encouragement, and your love.

Michelle, thank you. You know what for.

I guess the best verse to sum up what I feel I must do is this:“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

After all, Christ forgave my sins and saved my life. Not to mention the countless times he has forgiven my foolishness. The least I could do is do unto others what he has done to me.

This note is not in any way meant to guilt anyone. It is my confession. And a note of hope for anyone holding on to something they need to LET GO...

“Jesus taught us that we are to forgive those who hurt us, pray for those who despitefully use us, and bless those who curse us. That is hard. But there is something harder—being full of hatred, bitterness, and resentment. Don’t spend your life hating someone who is probably out having a good time while you are all upset.” –Joyce Meyer