I'm praying for you... whoever you are...

At my job, we get faxes for a number of reasons. Letters of credit from previous electric providers, proof of residency, proof of active military service, and the list goes on. I recently was put in charge of keeping up with these faxes. I tell you this to preface my next statement. I got hold of a death certificate today, one of the faxes most disheartening to receive. It was actually the first I’d ever seen in my life. Glancing over it for a moment before I stuck it in a file, I saw the cause of death. Essentially, the person died of a Coronary Artery Disease caused by morbid obesity.

My mind starting wandering and questions began to flood. “Why did this happen?” “Was this an unhappy person?” “Who is she leaving behind?” “Did this run in her family?” I don’t know who this woman was, I don’t know her story, I don’t any single thing about her outside of the fact that she died, and that she died being morbidly obese. I can’t help but wonder how someone gets to that place. I mean, sadly I DO understand being so depressed and overtaken by sadness that turning to food becomes a temporary escape from reality. And I also understand the self hatred that almost immediately follows turning to that food. I understand what it feels like to be addicted to both food, and hating yourself for eating that food. It’s a dark place, and I don’t wish it upon any body.

I wonder who this woman was. What she believed in. Did she believe in herself? Or did she doubt herself? Did she know Christ? Did she have faith? I would have loved to have known her. Maybe I could have in some way helped her, or have had a positive effect on her. This might all seem silly… but I cannot control my questions on this matter as I sit here at my desk.

I am not a health freak. I don’t work out seven days a week, and I do not yet have the abs I’ve always dreamed of having. I am only beginning my journey to become a better me; to be a healthier me, both physically, and emotionally. However, I do feel that I am learning. And that I’m doing this learning every day. I have developed a strong and powerful desire to help people in all walks of life. It’s crazy, but I think I’ve always known this about myself. It’s like I’ve tapped into a part of myself, that’s always been there—it’s just been hiding. I can’t quite explain this feeling, all I can do is ham it out over this message, attempting to form words that make sense, and push myself harder than ever to be that person that I know is in there… somewhere.

The fact is I might have not ever had any impact on this woman. I might have been rejected to highest degree. But I still can’t help but wonder, what if? This lady was 60 years old, way too young in my book.

I guess I am writing all of this as an outward expression of my desire to be someone that genuinely cares for other people, someone that is known for her love and compassion toward people. My desire is to be a prayer warrior just like, my great grandmother, that I met just a few weeks before she passed, was until the day she died.

6 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down;

let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!

7 For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture,

and the sheep of his hand.”
Psalm 95:6-7