My Top 5's...

5 movies:
-Tommy Boy
-Tombstone
-Good Will Hunting
-Ace Ventura
-The Dark Knight

5 baby names:
Sorry, don't want to share them :)
you might want them too!!!

5 foods:
-Mac and cheese
-Anything Mexican
-Bare naked granola mix
-pizza
-cheesecake

5 positive influences:
-Jesus Christ (Bible.)
-John
-My dad & Mom
-James & Michelle.
-Mr. & Mrs. Cooper

I know that's more than 5 :)
I just couldn't choose!

5 life changing moments:
-When I asked Jesus in my heart
-When I got baptized
-When we first started attending Fielder
-Weekend with the college group (big moment for me.)
-When I fell in love with John Evans

5 places I want to go:
-back to Colorado
-Virgina to meet all Johns friends
-Australia
-Africa
-Heaven

5 appliances or kitchen tools I couldn’t live without:
-Blow Dryer
-Straightner
-Microwave
-Fan
-Stove

5 things I almost always have with me:
-Cell phone
-Gum
-Wallet/keys
-Camera
-My minty chapstick

5 women I look up to:
(REAL hard to narrow it down, btw!)
-Mom
-Pat Cooper
-Michelle Myers
-Jagee Melton
-My Great Grandmother

My 5 guys:
-JOHN
-Daddy
-Trey
-Zach
-Timothy

5 Books:
-Bible
-The Shack
-For Women Only
-Captivating
-and anything by Frank Peretti

5 Things I want to be:
-A strong Christian women who loves and fears God
-Mrs. Evans (the wife!)
-Mommy
-Mrs. Evans (the teacher)
-A daughter to be proud of.
(by not only my mom and dad, but of my heavenly father as well.)

When dreams come true...

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of falling in love. All the Disney movies, the love songs, they all set my hopes high; that someday, my knight in shining armor, my prince, the love of my life… would come and rescue me. I couldn’t wait to be someone’s princess. I couldn’t wait to belong to one man alone. I couldn’t wait to live out my dreams of being someone’s bride. As I began to grow, my desire for this grew along with me. I would lie back on my bed and let my mind wander. I would close my eyes and kiss my arm. Silly as it sounds, I dreamed it was my love I was kissing. I would listen to love songs, picturing dancing along to them with my arms around him. I would watch sappy movies, praying that the man of my dreams would know how to win me over with sweet words, and cute gestures. I would stare in the mirror smiling, just to practice my reaction when I was asked for my hand in marriage. All these little girl fantasies followed me through elementary school, onto Jr. High and then on into high school. Once there I found a brutal taste of reality. I began to wonder how in the world I could ever find my MAN amongst a group of hormone -gone bad- BOYS. I began to believe that I might actually have to settle… but deep down in the back of my mind, I had hope that I wouldn’t. High school came and went, and it could not have gone sooner. Once out, I knew that college would open the door to real men, not boys… and that my opportunities would increase in great numbers. Well, I had the rude awakening that the boys that I went to high school with were the same boys that showed up at college. It’s funny that I thought that once boys got to college, they became men. HA, how wrong I was! Silly logic, I know. But still, I felt that there was someone out there looking for me, as I was for him… and that someday, we would find each other. Through this time, I began to realize the GREATER love I needed to find first. And that was the love of Christ. Now, yes… I had gone to church since I was a baby. Was saved and baptized at the age of six. I grew up in a loving Christian home, and sang at church for YEARS… yet, something deeper than all of that was tugging at my heart. It was the relationship I had desired forever, found in Christ. I had found something great, but that does not mean I didn’t still yearn for the attention of boys. I met people, talked to them. I dated. I met some great guys… and, I met jerks. I was caught in the middle of broken and bad relationships with people, I knew were anything but meant for me. But, despite my bad tastes and my “two week flings” I began to grow… slowly, but surely. I began to really understand Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” I began to become that little girl again. The truth is… I still am that little girl. I’m that little girl that dreams of being someone’s princess. That wants to be a beautiful bride. I have come to the conclusion that every woman wants this; that we all want to be loved so deep that it almost hurts. We want to be someone’s world.

Now, let me tell you a little secret. We ALREADY are someone’s princess. We ALREADY are someone’s world. We are BEAUTIFUL to someone. If you need proof: check out Psalm 45:11- “The King is enthralled by your beauty.” Now, I’ve got to tell you… this amazing discovery did not just happen overnight. I didn’t just wake up one morning and throw my pride out of the window. Its taken time… its taken tears… and it has taken a lot of humility. Some of you are thinking… DUH! I knew that. And others might be like I was; amazed at how I missed such proof of love right in front of me! But, as much as I wish I had known this all along, I must say that coming onto this discovery has been quite a ride. I spent many years thinking that I was never going to be good enough for someone and that my dreams would always just be that; dreams. Now, I have found that my dreams have come true. I have met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have stumbled upon love. Real love.

But, despite my prideful and human tendencies that say I knew I would find it all along, I cannot hold myself as the magic worker. I cannot congratulate myself on doing such a great job in finding him, nor can I applaud my wonderful job in always being the person he WANTED to find. For, it was not me who did it. It was Christ. See… during those years of disappointment, of hurt, and of confusion, God was shaping my heart. He was using every mistake as a template of my desires. He taught me, through experience, what I truly wanted and more importantly, what I NEEDED. He comforted me in time of hurt, and rejoiced with me as I discovered more and more the person he was forming me to be. And the best part is, just as he was shaping my heart for my future love, he was shaping his for mine.

But even more than ALL OF THAT- He taught me patience. “Love is Patient.” I recently read something out of a book that just made my heart drop… “Genuine love is characterized by patience.” How incredibly PATIENT God has been with me over the almost 20 years of my life!! And now that I have found what I’ve been looking for- How thankful I am that he has given me patience in my relationship!! To him, I give all the glory. To him, I honor and adore, and to him, I thank. He will forever be the foundation of not only my life, but the relationship I have longed for since I was that little girl. And I, will always be HIS princess.

“It is wise to wait because God gives clear direction only when we are willing to wait”
Charles Stanley

New way of looking at things...

It's amazing how being in Gods word, and really taking it to heart can change the way you view people, and the way you view yourself.

Take these verses and apply them to everyday situations and I assure you; you will see things differently.


For the times you just don't feel very pretty, or attractive:

"Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes; instead it should consist of the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God's eyes." 1 Peter 3: 3-4

"The King is ENTHRALLED with your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." Psalm 45:11


When someone wrongs you, and all you can think of is how much you want to get back at that person:

"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds with men who are evildoers; let me not eat of their delicacies." Psalm 142:3-4

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law" Romans 13:10.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another ABOVE YOURSELVES." Romans 12:9


When you feel abandoned, wronged, scared, lost, or just alone:

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God beside the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Psalm 18:30-32


Lastly, when you just want to be encouraged in your walk with Christ:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you aer the birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:22-26

Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-- This is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed but the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:1-2

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dealy loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."Colossians 3:12-14

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."Ephesians 6:10-11

"Be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all curcumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:15-18




"You did not choose me, but I chose you."John 15:16

How deep the fathers love for us?

When you read that statement, what exactly comes to mind? I can tell you personally, I get a good feeling for about five whole seconds and then it disappears. Why it disappears can be explained many different ways, however, the most profound reason is that of what we know as humans. All we really truly know is disappointment, whether it is in ourselves, in someone close to us, or maybe even in something bigger than ourselves. Every day we wake up to a world full of disappointments, of broken promises, and of shattered dreams. At times, to someone without Christ in their life, waking up is something that one may even dread for they know the world in which they are waking up to. The fact of the matter is, as a Christ follower and as a women wanting desperately to love and serve him, I find myself in awe at my inability to understand the full magnitude of the statement. Love, for most people can be taken with a grain of salt, if even that. For the most part “Love” in today’s society has become a word thrown around like a football on a Sunday afternoon. So it almost becomes understandable how not understanding it is so easy. How deep? Simple question really. How deep does our fathers love for us go? Well… one picture that is used often describes eternity I think can also be used to also relate to this idea. It is often said that to measure eternity you should picture the Grand Canyon. Now picture a bird dropping a grain of sand into the Canyon once every thousand years. When the Canyon is filled up… eternity has just begun. I honestly believe that the human brain is incapable of being able to fathom the idea of eternity. And much like eternity, it is equally difficult for us to fathom the extent to which God loves us. Imagine being loved from every hair on your head, to your toes. Not one inch of you receiving any less love than another. Love that is so strong it can withhold the largest storms, and the most difficult situations; love that can overcome even death. Even in my attempts to understand by picturing the love my father has for my mom, which I must say is deep in and of itself, I come to realization that it does not even hold a candle to God’s love for her, or me, or for you.

If that picture of love is not enough, try picturing this. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb.” “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my UNFORMED BODY. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139) God wrote our life story before one day came to be. He made us. He crafted each and every one of us in his own design. Every hair on our head, our smile, our eyes, were crafted by HIS hands. Think of every single detail about you, your body, your personality… etc. that is A LOT of details, and to think that God did it all.

In a world full of lust, and of broken hearts, it’s wonderful to know that there is a God who loves you deeper than you can even fathom. And that NOTHING you have done or will do can ever change that.

Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Psalm 136:2

Imperfection, is not a sin.

Along with many other things, the title of this note can pretty much sum up what I learned this weekend. I went to my college retreat in complete expectance to encounter God. I looked forward to it for weeks before because I knew in my heart that something inside of me desperately needed it. As it turns out, I was right. An emotional weekend full of crying and praying has left me with such a stronger understanding of where I am... and where I want to be. Long talks with Michelle have given me so much more strength to carry on than I have ever had. Many people do not know or understand my problem. However, many more do. If I were to say that I have self esteem issues or "body image problems" most people would rolls their eyes and say, "who doesn't?" or... look down upon it as if it were something I could control easily. The fact of the matter is that my problem and issue that I seem to have developed over the years is... a temptation, and it is a sort of disease. An analogy that Michelle used this weekend to sort of put it into perspective is this: If 300 people lined up and each one of them handed me a drink, and tried to get me to drink it, I would say no thanks to every single person. If 300 people one by one handed me a cigarette... same deal, no thank you... next person. But if someone handed me a magazine with a beautiful girl on it... it does something to my mind that makes me feel like a failure. You see... temptation is something that everyone has to deal with. It's a part of life... Even Jesus was tempted by Satan. Unfortunately, Jesus did a much better job than I. Satan knows exactly where to get me. He knows the parts of my life that are rocky, the places that my mind takes me when I feel down about myself, and he knows how to twist the image of myself to where I can no longer see Gods beautiful creation. All I see is a mistake.

I was told by a few people this weekend that I was no longer allowed to see what I think in the mirror. That I was no longer allowed to see my faults, but the beauty that God gave me because, he made me. I was told to look in the mirror and see what God sees, what my parents see, and what they see. I think for most people, especially for men, it is really hard to understand why this type of thing would be a problem. It becomes almost impossible for them to relate to the deep dark feelings that can be felt. I think most people, if not all, CAN relate to feeling awkward, at times, in their own bodies… or even uncomfortable with how they look. But I think it becomes a deeper problem when you can longer even see the truth in the mirror. When what the world sees when they look at you... is completely lost in translation.

I have been singing in church for almost 10 years now. I have been on the stage, in front of people since before I even really understood the position I was in. Week in and week out I am in the spotlight… literally. I came to realize this weekend, something that I have always known…but have hid from, that my calling is to sing for the Lord. That the gifts he gave me were not just given for fun, but for a purpose. I believe with everything in me that Satan is trying SO HARD to keep me from that calling by whispering in my ear over, and over, and over again that I am not good enough. That I will never be accepted, and that if I jump, I will fall. I believe that the “syndrome” or disease… whatever this thing I have with PCOS was given to me, yes…given, to make me stronger. Why else would God allow a PHYSICAL disease to be given to a girl who struggles with herself, PHYSICALLY? It could have one of two effects… I could overcome it, trust that God has got it under control, and go for it. Or, I could tell myself that it is too big of a stumbling block. I refuse to allow Satan to have a foothold on my life. I am so tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. I need prayer, but more than all of it-I need to have enough faith in my creator to not be so afraid to jump.

This weekend I had the exciting experience of going off of a zip-line. I had never jumped off a high place before… and for a few moments before I did, I was pretty nervous. But, I did it… and it felt amazing to just let go.

Let go of my fear
Let go of my uncertainty
And Let go of Satan’s voice telling me I couldn’t do it.

I have been blessed to the fullest with people in my life that are constantly encouraging me. They keep me together and they never let me go. If I have been that blessed by people... how much more has God, my heavenly father, blessed me? I do not think I could even calculate it. Before I end this note I want to share a verse that I had in my life seen before until this weekend.

Psalm 45:11"The king is enthralled by your beauty, honor him, for he is your Lord."

Enthralled: completely fascinated and giving total attention to somethingSynonyms: absorbed, captivated, caught up, consumed, deep, diligent, engaged, fascinated, hooked, hung up, immersed, submerged.

I don't know about you... but no one has EVER expressed that kind of love... and amazement toward me. That verse made me get a feeling inside like I have never felt. That the Lord is captivated by ME.

Wow... what more could I need?
imperfection...is not a sin. It is a part of life.

Almighty mender of broken hearts

Sometimes it takes an expected event or situation to come into place in our lives for us to realize what our purpose is here. We are not here to be anything but Gods beloved children who everyday live out his love in our lives. We are here to spread his name and his purpose out to every single person we come in contact with. We are to love others with no hesitation. It is sad, but true, that often times as a Christian I settle back into “safe mode.” This is the mode where I know that I’M safe… and so therefore that much be all that matters right? I am dead wrong. Suddenly all at once I realize how lost I can become in that state of mind; the state of mind that I am truly all that matters in my own life… and that other peoples fate is their own problem, not mine. Out of nowhere every single one of my mistakes, faults, and failures come shooting into my mind at once. I retrace every moment in my life where I ran away from Jesus. Every situation I walked into knowing that it was a dangerous one. Every time I treated someone like they did not matter. Every moment I decided that my way was better, and that God had no say in my decisions. I cringe when I think of all the times I blatantly disobeyed. Every time my motives were of evil intent, all the actions that brought on pain, and the times of stress that were caused, completely, by my own foolishness. All these thoughts come crashing down like a wave, burying me in an overwhelming sense of fear and failure.

Yet all at once, just as fast as I fell I feel the loving and safe arms of my savior picking up my broken pieces. Gently and gracefully, he mends every single broken piece. In a moment of pure love, I am put back together. My body trembles and my eyes fill with tears. I can no longer feel anything but his arms around me. Suddenly, I am restored. Now my thoughts of failure and pain are replaced with hope and love. Love for my almighty father and the restorer of my broken heart. Hope for the plans he has for me, and for the moments to come. I am no longer in pain for myself, but in pain for others. The others who have never felt this kind of love. The countless lost who never find satisfaction, and are always searching for something more. My heart breaks for them, and my soul yearns for thier lives.

Lord, give me strength for the days that follow. May your light shine through me, and may your love be the foundation of my life. It is in your sons holy and beautiful name that I ask these things. Amen.

Only you can mend the broken heart
and cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinner's past
and set the captives free
Only you can take the widow's cry
and cause her heart to sing
Be the father to the fatherless
Our saviour and our king
-solution, Hillsong United.

Sex

So i've been having lots of thoughts latley about my life and about the life that I am called to be living. To non-believers that statement most likey does not make much sense, and understandably so. To believers however, I have a feeling they will completly understand. The subject title of "sex" was not just used to prompt the opening of this blog, although i'm sure it does a good job of that as well. Instead i used it to narrow my thoughts down into a certain category. No, that does not mean that I plan to write about sex, however, it is in fact a part.

I have come to the realization that I have always used the fact that I will not have sex until I am married as a blanket to cover all other sexual acts or thoughts that have come into my mind and/or my heart over the last almost 19 years of my life. I think that what has happened to our society is we have turned sex into just a natural occurance that well... doesn't REALLY mean anything. Let me first start off by explaining my views on what sex is to me and maybe it will help you understand were I am coming from. I long for the day that I can say I DO to the man of my dreams and then... be able to give him all of me. Not just my hand in marriage and a promise to always stick by him, but also my mind, body, and soul. I want to be completly his, for this is Gods plan. He created someone that is perfect for ME, and I for him. I cannot think of anything that would be any more special for me to do on that day. So... ok, that sounds good so where does the problem come in? Well... anyone who has ever experenced a longing for affection or just attention of the opposite sex (which I should mention is almost every single person) would understand exactly what I am about to say.

God has made us with a sexual desire and passion for this very idea of affection and attention. HOWEVER, there is a time under heaven for this just like crying, laughing, mourning, and rejoicing. The time is NOT whenever you FEEL like you MIGHT be in love. or... the other person told you that if you loved them then you would have sex with him. Because honey... if they loved you, they would honor and respect you, and wait. Now all of this being said I would hate it if someone just assumed I was making all of this up so... lets go to the manual and see what it has to say.1CORINTHIANS 6:12 talks of sexual immorality, and Gods stand on it. I'm not going to share the whole passage with you, but I will share the last paragraph. Verse 18 says "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, who is in you, whom you have recieved from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I gotta tell you... that very last line really convicts me and gets me thinking alot. We are not our own. I think as americans alot of the time we are always making excuses for ourselves and for our actions, and many times we just say HEY, it's my life. But.. is it really? Are you really your own? I believe that I belong to my creator and I just pray that I don't screw up all the wonderful things he has blessed me with.

I write this today with a heart that is broken for all those who have crossed the line. But also, for my ownself who at times is guility of thinking and acting asif I do not belong to the Lord and that I was not bought at such a precious price. Christs blood was spilled out so that I could live, and live without the barring of sin on my back. He took that from me... but it was not without a price. I think the most beautiful thing about our God is his unfailing and undieing grace. Grace that covers even the darkest sins. And for all the people out there who feel they have failed because they have had sex, or maybe something even worse than that... I have news for you... you can be wiped clean. His grace can wipe you clean and restore you. Restore you completly and make you new. We are all apart of Gods wonderful creation, and he wants nothing more than for you to be his child and to love him. It is hard to believe that something so amazing can be so simple.

God bless each and everyone of you. The lord is working in my life more than I have ever felt him working. It is an exciting feeling, but a scary one at the same time. I pray that you would find the God that loves you, and wants to make you whole again. And maybe you've had him... maybe you've become distant or even lost sight of him. But friend i'll tell you this... everytime you think that God has left your side... loo
k around. It was not God that walked away from you, but you that walked away from God